In 2001, many terrible things happened.
The September 11 incident. George W Bush was still President.
Tom Green released a movie.
X-Ray Cat! Doodoo-do-de-do-do-de-doo!!
Riding high on developing a cult following on bad taste from his … errr.. successful The Tom Green Show, where he took a dump in the toilet and gave it to an audience member who didn’t believe it was real, 20th Century Fox managed to be convinced that Green would spend some money wisely while having an idea for a movie, that really didn’t make any sense.
We begin with Gordon (played by Green), a 28 year old unemployed loser with ambitions of becoming a famous cartoonist/animator. He lives in his parents’ basement, along with his younger, highly successful brother, Freddy (played by American Pie “Finch” Eddie Kaye Thomas), an abusive father (Rip Torn) who wants more out of his son, and an innocent mother (Julie Hagerty) who doesn’t see anything wrong at all.
I’m the #1 Son!
An adult with a  teenage train-of-thought, Gordon skates, while unable to carry a job as he keeps getting distracted by odd thoughts and ideas. He eventually scores a job working at a Hollywood cheese sandwich factory – a simple process where he really can’t hold down. He scores a sweet new car as a gift from his ‘proud’ parents, and as he travels to his new life, he literally wanks a horse at a stud farm. Thus, proving the first of many distractions and odd scenarios you usually wouldn’t expect on a road trip to a new life.
Bag for the Badger JAPAN FOUR!
After being fired from the cheese sandwich factory, Gordon tries an odd approach to sell his drawings by infiltrating Radioactive Animation Studios, pretending he is a courier. We meet the receptionist (played by Green’s then-wife Drew Barrymore) of the CEO of Radioactive Dave Davidson (Anthony Michael Hall). After trying to trick her to revealing where he is, Gordon finds him in a restaurant and approaches him in a drastic way, but also receives a critique – to get to know the animals he draws, he has to get ‘in’ the animal, in which he literally does. The idea of becoming ‘one with the animal’ comes in to fruition on the drive back to his parents home, where he finds a dead moose, guts it, and wears its torso.
Upon returning home, the movie starts falling apart (if you didn’t make any sense of the first 15 – 20 minutes. Family arguments about meatloaf, chicken sandwiches and sausages, his best friend breaking a leg, the friendly kid next door being glutton for punishment (which is a nightmare for any parent), and falling in love with a blonde nurse who:
- is disabled and wheelchair bound
- a Rocket Scientist
- has a fetish for whipping, pain and blow-jobs
All the while, trying to get his father’s approval with his artwork and proving that his dream would not be destroyed by refusing to do a 9 to 5 job.
Listen to my hooves! Clippity clop!
Other scenes include Gordon helping giving birth with a pregnant lady, more blow-job scenes, turning his father into a frustrating alcoholic, encouraging his mother to go out and have sex with tall black strangers, and convincing the child protection services that his 20-something brother was … abused… by their father. All while selling his drawings.
Also, more animal masturbation, a tribute to Buster Keaton, and references to The Deer Hunter and Born On the Fourth of July. Plus, a certain scene where it looks like there was a few million left over, so he burns it up with a certain helicopter ride…
Whoever green-lit this film, must’ve been a Tom Green fan, but hadn’t actually sat through the entire film, as it appears that Green was given a shit-load of coin and made the film as he went along.
That’s why it’s a masterpiece, and a cult classic to boot.
This week’s rating is brought to you by: Jean Claude Van Damme
/5
Purchase: Freddy Got Fingered – from iTunes
