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Ow, My Freaking Ears!

When is the music world going to stop producing shit songs?



When is the music industry going to stop producing completely terrible songs that make you feel like you’ve been ear-raped? To answer the question: When you stop buying it.

But that’s never going to happen. There will always be a market for novelty and terribly bad songs. Sometimes it is for the publicity, and sometimes some record companies genuinely think it’s a decent song. Sometimes they need to be slapped in the side of the head.

Case point – in the news lately there’s been a recurring name that you may not have heard of. Rebecca Black. The 13 year old Californian teeny-bopper is being coined as the ‘next Justin Bieber’. But here lays the problem. We do not need another Bieber, nor did we ask for one in the first place!

Black’s debut single Friday went up onto Youtube March 11 this year (2011), and within days, has raked up over 15 million views at time of this post. But why? Is the song that fantastic? Hell no. What’s the best way of getting a song out when it’s terrible, by getting it out there on the social media circuit and get free publicity for the negative responses (such as this site)…

But let Wireless Fodder take you on a trip down the lane of bad musical tastes. Get ready to block your ears.

Ween – Push Th’ Lil Daisies

Released in 1992, this terribly tuned masterpiece became a big hit because of how fucked up it sounded. So alternate, so rebellious, and so deafening, Ween raked up the coin, laughing their way to the bank.

Peter Andre – Gimme Little Sign

The washboard-wanker of Australian pop in the early 90s came out with this cover of Brenton Wood’s 1967 classic, turning it into purified crap. Sadly, it was cool at the time and got him to the number 3 spot, as well as lasting in the ARIA charts for 31 weeks. If only we could turn back time.

Aqua – Barbie Girl

Hiya Barbie, Hiya Ken! – as soon as you heard those 4 words, you knew you were in for a world of pain. What began as a popular novelty dance song for the teens, spawned into a moderately successful career for the Norwegian team. More details would follow, but I think if you just read their Wikipedia page, it’ll sum things up.

Jordy – Dur Dur D’etre Bebe(It’s Tough To Be A Baby)

The French really know how to exploit their offspring. What started off as a nappy commercial, ended up being a dance pop song which sadly caught on in the US, even making its way to Beavis & Butthead.

The Vaughns – Who Farted?

What do you get when you get a few bogans together, getting some beer into them (in this case, beans), and get them to ‘rap’ to some rock jam? These guys, and a song about some really bad flatulence.

Mercury4 – 5 Years From Now

With the strong presence of boy ballad groups such as 5ive, *Nsync, and at home, Human Nature, Mercury4 surfaced with their surfboard wash bleached hair, and golden skin, these guys had the girls melting at their feet, and roaring up the Australian music charts. But after this song, they disappeared. Thank god for that.

Crazy Frog – Axel F

In 1997, what began as a 17 year old kid recording himself doing a vocal impression of a 2 stroke motor car revving and taking off, turned into an internet phenomenon. There was a site set up called “Deng Deng” (archived on Albino Black Sheep) which had a picture of an indy race car on it, and the sound playing on a continuous loop. At was the the beginning of internet memes, ringtone company Jamster picked up the audio and turned it into a ringtone, just as mobile phones were able to start playing mp3 files. The popularity soared when some idiot DJ used the audio and sampled it into a remix version of the Beverly Hills Cop theme song – Axel F. Son of a bitch.

Joe Dolce – Shaddup Ya Face

It’s the 80s. Get an Italian Australian who speaks broken english, some simple lyrics, a sense of humour, and Countdown host Molly Meldrum coked out of his mind and dancing with an accordian. You get a worldwide hit – and you can retire.

Then again, combine a bunch of bad songs into the one, you might get a great mashup

To be continued…???

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